


Stronger Than Me

by GingerHeart



Category: Tom Hardy - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-20
Updated: 2013-10-23
Packaged: 2017-12-27 03:55:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/974020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GingerHeart/pseuds/GingerHeart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I watched TTSS very late one night which kind of inspired this. Not so much the character of Ricki Tarr but his looks.  This is also one of the first fics I ever wrote ...<br/>So what happens when you run into the person you loved and broke your heart two years after the fact...Katie is about to find out....</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Was It All Just A Bad Dream?

…There it was, the stare. After two years of not seeing him, she thought she would be immune to it. Damn he is wearing that blue shirt I bought for his birthday…

She gasps, slowly exhaling ” I can do this, I can stay immune to him. He broke my heart and I am not going to fall for him again”

He walks towards her, slowly and she can’t help but noticed his muscular thighs through his tailored pants. “Damn it, just look at his face, don’t think about all of the times those legs have been intertwined with yours. Just don’t do this to yourself…”

She breaks eye contact with him and hurriedly walks into the other room and pours herself a drink. Flashing back to happier times when they were together. Their first date, how he walked her to the door, how when he kissed her good night she inhaled his scent so that she would never forget it. Those lazy Sunday mornings spent in bed, listening to music, kissing, touching and then there was the sex.

Her cheeks flushed when she thought of the way he used to touch her, knowing just the things to do to bring out her wild side. A side she had only let him see.

"No No No, she screamed to herself. Get your shit together. Remember something bad, remember something bad"

She never noticed him coming up behind her. She felt a hand on her shoulder and being spun around, her back pushed up against the wall. He moved closer, placing both hands on the wall beside her head. She was trapped, no where to go and now here he was, inches away from her face. She inhaled and there it was, that smell of him. Still the same soap, cologne and his unique scent. She tells herself “Don’t speak, don’t say my name, if I hear your voice, I am done.”

"Katie, god you look so beautiful tonight…" there it was, he spoke and that accent, the way her name rolled off his tongue. Oh, the many times had he huskily whispered her name in her ear while they were in bed.

"Please don’t" she barely manages to mumble. Her knees are shaking, her pulse is increased. She can’t breathe. I can’t go down this road again she thinks to herself. How does he still have power over me, how does he still manage to make me want him, to feel his hands on me?

"Those lips, Oh how I have missed having them on mine. I know you remember how well our mouths matched, Katie" he says huskily. She can barely nod her head in agreement. "But.." she whispers.

He places his mouth on hers softly, she moans in her throat, parts her mouth and feels their tongues begin to dance…  
the electricity between them intense. She wraps her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. Feeling all of her anger and hurt boiling up, she bites his bottom lip almost to the point of making him bleed. “Damn, I see some things haven’t changed, I do love those moments when your angry. You don’t hold back…” he says. Any thought of walking away had long escaped her. He had some kind of pull on her, always did and always would.

She slid her hand down on his chest…remembering and feeling like this was just another day in their life, like the last two years had only been a bad dream…..


	2. Once A Line Is Crossed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once a line is crossed, you can never go back....

But it hadn’t been a bad dream, in fact it was the reality of that which made her thoughts snap back in place…..”I….I…..just can’t. You broke me….”she sobs while pushing him away. She turns to leave, he grabs her wrist “Katie, love, please let me..” “No, damn you, no! You had your chance then, you don’t get to do this to me - hissing through her teeth. “Don’t do what, I just wanted to tell you how..” she cuts him off “No, you don’t get to come here, two years later and talk to me about it. You couldn’t do it back then, when it was happening, you didn’t want to work on us. Now, let me go. I have nothing to say to you….good bye” she says to him angrily. She jerks out of his grasp and runs down the hall, goes outside to hail a cab, in the pouring rain.

As she is standing there, all of the emotions from what just happened with him hit her with full force. She begins crying, knowing no matter how much she tried to deny it, she still loved him with her whole soul. She knew that he would always own that big piece of her heart just as she would own his. She sees a familiar car coming down the street, “Oh great, that’s his hired car. Of course, I would be standing out in the rain…of course.” she can’t stop the tears. He runs up beside her, “Katie, Katie love, come on, let me take you home. You’re not going to get a cab ” She wants to go home but she sure as hell wasn’t going with him.

"No, no thank you. I will take my chances and wait for a cab. Good Evening" she says coolly. I hope he didn’t see me shake while I said that, frantically thinking to herself. "Katie, damn it woman, get in the bloody car." he shouts. Before she can protest, he takes her by the arm, opens the car door and guides her inside.

Angrily she moves the other empty seat, crosses her arms in defiance and glares out the window. He adjusts himself in the seat, chuckling says to her “I love it when you get that fire in your eyes. I’m glad to see you are still full of passion Katie” She huffs and replies in cool tone ” You don’t get to say that to me. You take me straight home and while I appreciate the kind gesture, I’d prefer not to have idol chit chat with you”

"Katie, ok" he replies while sighing. He tells her "I promise this was not planned but I have to stop by my apartment. I have something very important to work on first thing in the morning. You can change into something dry there, if you would like. I promise it won’t be more than 10 minutes. "I suppose I have no choice, that’s fine"

He fumbles for the apartment key, finally turning the lock. She feels her breathing getting faster. She hasn’t been to “their” apartment in the two years since she packed her car and left.”10 min, just 10 minutes. You can do this. Just make a quick change into dry clothes and then home sweet home. You never have to see him again.” she wiled herself.

She steps in the door, scans quickly. The living room was different, it was very masculine and cold. Nothing like the cozy room they had spent many nights, cuddled up on the couch. 

He takes her hand, “Here, come this way. I have some sweats you can put on, They will be a little big but at least they are dry. She follows him down the hall, noticing all of the changes to the house. “Well, silly girl. Did you truly expect it all to be the same? This just proves you made the right decision.”

He opens the bedroom door and she follows behind him. She can’t believe he kept their bedroom exactly the same. The big beautiful bed with the tons of pillows he accepted but made fun of nightly. It was a running bit between them, it always led to kissing and him running his hand… “No, I can’t think about that” flushing, she feels her cheeks burn.

He smiles at her, “Oh dear, he knows, he knows” she screams in her head. “Here you go, these should do” handing her the clothes. She cradles them in her arms, “Thank you” she softly replies. He stands there, just staring at her. Remembering the times he kissed her softly on the lips, then the curve of her neck, tasting her salty skin. Feeling her warm breath on his neck while she kissed him. The way she moaned against his neck, her breath warm… “So ummm, I kind of need you to leave so I can change” jarring him out of his remembering. “Ahh, yes, well I will just go for what I came for and let you change then” turning hastily, he stepped out of the room.

She pulls her wet dress over her head, slipping on the sweatshirt and pants. They were too big but they were dry. She walked into the bath, grabbing a towel to dry her hair. He knocked and came in, standing there watching her. He smiled to himself when he thought, there she is, doing that same silly routine she always does in the bathroom.

He walks over to the door, “Did you find everything that you needed?” Startled, she replies “Oh yes, I did. Thank you” wanting to ask him why he kept the room the same, was he just as miserable as her?

"Katie, I know you are angry with me and for that, I do not blame you. Please let me tell you how much I know the mistake I made then. I think about it every single night, replaying it over and over in my mind. I still love you and I know that you felt that spark there tonight, just as I did. That’s a rare thing Katie, and you and I have that. I let you get under my skin and that scared the hell out of me. So instead of embracing it, I panicked and treated you like shit in one way test you and in the other, because I am a bloody asshole"

He walks up to her, placing his hands on her face, drawing her near him. He kisses her before she can object. He wraps his arms around and crushes her to his chest. She slides her arms around his neck, feverishly kissing him back. Biting his lip, softer this time. He knows exactly what that means. He hitches her up on the bathroom sink, she wraps her legs around his back. Both still finding each others mouth, tongues overlapping each other, occasional teeth hitting in the midst of the passionate kisses. “Katie…’he half moans/whispers. He slides his hand under the sweat shirt, massaging her. She’s not sure at what point he removed her top, she was too busy kissing him, tasting his salty skin and hanging on. He quickly moved towards the bed, sitting her down on the floor.

He stares at her with those eyes that bore holes in her soul. Those eyes that know every single inch of her body, heart and everything about her. She thinks to herself “Once I cross this line, there is no going back…ever. Please don’t break my heart again, I don’t think I would be able to recover this time”

She starts to speak, almost a whisper “You know that once…” he cups her face in his hands and kisses her with such fierceness and passion, it almost takes her breath away. “Shhhh, K, just let this happen. I need you, you want me.” he tells her softly. “Yes…yes” she half groans.

He gently lies her on the bed, his face inches away from hers, locking his gaze with hers. Her breathing becomes heavier, her heart beating faster. She reaches up to unbutton his shirt, almost in a frenzy. Running her hands down his chest, feeling the warmth and fuzziness of that hair she loves so much. He lets out a small “Mmmmmm”…

She looks up at him, smiles and says “Yes, I want you, I’ve missed you….please…..please”


	3. The Lightning Strike

She pulled him in closer, her lips finding his. “Oh how I have missed those perfect lips” she thinks.

He moves his lips down, barely touching her neck with them, but enough to make her nerve endings jump. She sucks air in quickly…

and makes that “hmmmm mmmm” sound that drives him mad. She closes her eyes, and enjoys that moment and instantly remembers how the touch of his mouth was on her skin. “This is the one thing we never did wrong..he just knew my body…”

Letting herself go, she got caught up in the passion of the situation. “Tomorrow, tomorrow I will worry and question, but tonight, well I just want to be with him in every way” He briefly stops kissing her shoulder, tilts his head up and looks at her, their gazes locked. There it was, that click, they just lined up perfectly…

He licks his lips and begins to kiss her softly on the chest…she moans, running her hands in his hair…”Ooooooh” He knows that sound, she’s made it for him so many times….he slides his hand down, circling her belly, feels a pause and hears her gasp. “Mmmmmmm” he thinks wickedly to himself . He slides his hand down further, she arches her back instinctively as she knows what is coming….he slides his hand down her panties, feeling her wetness. He growls “Jesus woman….enough with the foreplay” All she can manage is a “Mmmmmmmmm”, he unbuttons his pants, jerking them down below the knees, placing his leg between hers, prying them apart.

He enters her slowly as she cries out his name, digging her nails into his forearm. Instantly their bodies match, thrust for thrust. It’s like an instant drug, pure ecstasy. He puts his hand under her buttocks and pulls her closer, as she entwines her fingers in the pillow. She needed something to hold on to as she felt that she were going to explode any minute…hoping for it.

"Oh…baby….Oh….baby.." she half growls, half moans. Oh that’s it, that’s the sound I have been waiting for" he thinks as he tries to pace himself to keep this from ending.

He kneels up to where he is sitting on his knees, pulling her up with him as he did so. She locks her arms around his neck and pushes back and forth against him. Setting her own pace between soft and at times hard. He digs his hands into the flesh of her hips, pulling her up and down harder. She feels the building inside of her, she arches her back, calling out his name over and over as she finds her release.

Feeling her warmth all over him, he can no longer hold back, as he explodes inside of her, he growls “Katie, oh god Katie..” kissing her on the mouth..

Later, they lay there spent…..”Katie?” he asks “Hmmmm?” she replies sleepily “I have missed you so much. I want to talk about u.” She interrupts “Shhhh, let’s just lie here, I want to sleep against your chest tonight.” He turns on his side and pulls her up close to him, her back right up against his chest. “Right where she belongs” he thinks as he wraps his arms around her. She sprawls her hair over his shoulder as she places her hands on his arms. It’s almost as if she can’t get him close enough. This is what she has missed the most. “Ok, Katie, you win tonight. Tomorrow, we will talk about us” She says hmmmm so softly as she drifts off asleep…….


	4. As Much As You Lead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a shorter chapter but a lot of emotion is in it ...
> 
> What happens when it is the morning after and reality sets in...

He hears her breathing become even, knowing she has fallen asleep. He squeezes around her waist tighter, feeling as if he just can't pull her close enough. He smiles as he notices the three freckles in the middle of her back. He traces his finger lightly across them, the feel of her skin smooth under his touch. He leans his head down and lightly brushes his lips on her shoulder, as he catches a whiff of her lavender shampoo.

He nuzzles her neck and feels his eyes become heavy, the feel of her in his arms making him realx for the first time in a long time. He can feel his shoulders relax as he drifts off to sleep. The early morning sunlight streams through the curtains, making light spots on the hardwood floor. She stirs and opens her eyes, looking around and smiling to herself when it clicks where she his. She can feel his body heat on her back, his arms still wrapped around her. She bites her thumb, blushing at the memory of how his touch the night before made her feel alive again. If there was one thing they did right, it was sex. They just clicked and knew each others bodies so well. She knew the little things and touches he liked just as he did with her.  
She felt his stubble against her neck as he placed his soft lips on her skin with feathery kisses. She turned her head to give him better access to her neck. "Good morning love" his voice husky and gentle.  
She feels her skin tingle at the feel of his mouth against her skin, "Mmmmmm, morning" she whispers.  
He moves his mouth down, kissing her shoulder, asking her in between "Did you sleep well?"  
"Yes, yes I did" she replies.  
As he is kissing down her shoulder, he tells her "Baby, I've missed you so much. I want to fix this, I want you."  
Her heart soars at the sound of his words and the feel of his lips on her skin. Inside she is screaming but she remains reserved as the scars are still there. The ones he put there when he left and walked away two years ago. It took her months before she stopped crying herself to sleep every night, before she woke herself up calling his name. How after he walked out the door, closing it behind him, not even turning around was a pain that she didn't forget.  
She runs her fingers up and down his arm, tears puddling in her eyes but not dropping. She held on as long as she could, not wanting to let them fall as that would admit she still cared.  
"I don't know, you hurt me" her voice full of pain as he heard her sob. She couldn't fight it anymore and the tears spilled down her cheeks. He kissed her neck, squeezing her tighter against him. "Shhhhh, oh love, I wish I could let you see how sorry I truly am. I was a complete bastard and you didn't deserve that. "  
"No, no I didn't. I loved you, I let you in one hundred percent. I gave all of myself to you" she cried "Why should I believe it's any different now?"  
He kissed the top of her head, gently rubbing her arm. "These two years have been nothing but hell for me. I've been lost, I wanted to come back so many times but was so ashamed of how I behaved, that I couldn't get myself to do it. You are it Katie, you're the one. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I am going to prove to you how much I want all of it too. Every day if you will let me. You scared me, I had this wall built up but you got through. I should have talked to you about it but I did what I always do, I ran"  
"That right there is what terrifies me. How can I know you won't run again? I just don't know if I can let you back in. My heart is healing but it will never be the same. I want to say yes to you so badly but there is a part of me that just can't right now."  
"Katie, I know darling, I understand. I am going to slowly show you that I am real. I don't care how long it takes. Please just tell me that I have a chance." cupping her cheek and turning her head towards his. Her brow furrowed and he knew she was thinking.  
She looked up at him, a soft faint smile on her face. In a faint whisper, "Yes, maybe you have a chance. Do not hurt me again please, i beg you"  
He leaned down and brushed his lips against hers, kissing her slow and softly. "My beautiful Katie"  
He pulled back,propping up on his arms. He lazily smiled at her, his fingertips running up her arm.  
"Do you have plans today?" gently prodding  
She smiled at him, "No, no I don't. I'd like a shower and to brush my teeth though"  
"Ah yes. Well you still have a few things here, you know, if you would just like to take a shower here. I just bought a pack of toothbrushes, so you can use one." hoping she would say yes.  
"Mmmm, sounds great" She sat up, the sheet puddling around her waist, exposing her breasts to him. She slid off the bed, wrapping the sheet around her. "I get first shower" grinning at him. He chuckled, "Well darling, we could conserve water. "  
"Well get your ass up and get in here then" walking in the bathroom, letting the sheet drop. At the sight of her, he got out of bed and strode towards the bathroom. He walked in just as she was stepping in. She leaned her head back under the shower, letting the warm water soothe her body.


	5. In The Shadow Of Your Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after and making plans to take it one day at a time. As much as Katie wants to be with him, she is keeping her heart guarded. Then there is the whole issue about still wanting someone so much that you can't fight it anymore.....

He stood there for a moment, taking in the sight of the water streaming off of her body. He could feel himself getting hard just at the sight of her. She stepped out from under the stream, looking over at him smiling. “Well you just gonna stand there or are you going to join me?”

He grinned at her, “Oh hell, I am so going to join you. You don’t get all of the hot water”

He stepped in, pulling the curtain to. She stepped forward to give him more room. He placed his hands on her shoulders, leaning his head down, placing his mouth against her ear. “Wash your hair like old times?” He asked.

She could feel her lips curling into a wide smile; she nodded her head, reached up for the shampoo bottle, passing it back to him, “Ah yes that would be fantastic. I missed that very much” She could hear him squeeze the bottle of shampoo and then felt his fingers massaging her scalp. She leaned her head back and moaned softly. The feel of his fingers making her head tingle. “mmmm, that’s so nice” she tells him.

“I’ve missed doing this. I’ve missed doing so many little things with you” he replies. He puts his arms on her shoulders and turns her around. “Time to rinse” he tells her as he rinses the shampoo out of her hair, she keeps her eyes closed, enjoying the feel of his touch. “Got it all” he tells her as she opens her eyes, smiling at him. He casts his eyes down her body, savoring the sight of her. He reaches out and grabs her in his arms, pulling her towards him. She wraps her arms around him and clings to him, resting her head on his chest. “So, what do you want to do today darling? Would you like to go eat, maybe head to that old bookstore you love so much?” She smiles at him remembering how much she loved the old bookstore. She reaches her hand out, placing it on his arm, “Let’s get food first, then we can decide, hmmmm”

She kisses his chest, moving her mouth down. She swirls her tongue over his nipple and feels his body shudder. She smiles to herself and takes it in her teeth, gently tugging. He moans out “Jesus” as she works her way down his torso, opening and closing her mouth, her lips feathery against his skin. She places her hand on his stomach, sliding her fingers across his skin, feeling the goose bumps under her fingers. She can feel the slight catch of his breath as she moves her mouth further down. She slowly sinks to her knees, looking up at him through her dark lashes as she takes him in her hand, lightly stroking. He hisses through his teeth, twisting her hair in his fingers. She smiles up at him, licks her lips and flicks her tongue across the top of his hard cock. He whimpers and she opens her mouth, taking him in. She purses her lips and swirls her tongue over him. He grabs her hair harder, gently guiding her head back and forth. She begins sucking harder and faster as his moaning becomes louder, "Yes baby, god yes" he cries.  
She slows down her pace, lapping her tongue over the head. "Fuck" he cries out as he jerks her up under her arms. He growls at her, pulling her closer and clashing his lips down on top of hers. He gently bites her bottom lip, tugging on it. He cups her face in his hands, pushing her head back. "Damn it woman" he growls  
She softly laughs, "What?" she asks in a mock innocent tone.  
He glares at her, his eyes full of lust and hunger, she's seen that stare a thousand times and it still makes her shudder  
"You know damn well what. Fuck baby" as he nuzzles her neck, his hands moving down her body, cupping her breast in his hand. He twists her nipple between his thumb and forefinger causing her to moan. He pushes her back against the shower wall, she pants, longing for him to touch her. She bites her bottom lip as he grabs her hands, pinning them above her head. He stands there; staring at her, his eyes telling her how much he wants her without ever saying a word.  
She can feel the burning begin in her stomach. He leans in and places his lips on her neck, nipping her skin gently. She moans and turns her head to the side to give him better access. He begins kissing down to her shoulder, removing one of his hands, his fingertips light on her skin, causing the tiniest of hairs to stand up.  
Her breath catches in her throat, as she twists her body. He places his hand on her shoulder, putting his mouth up to her ear, whispering "Be still" his lips grazing her cheek, she can feel his stubble. "Look at me" his voice with a slightly commanding tone.  
She cast her eyes up and meets his gaze. "God you are beautiful Katie. You're just perfect to me" She instantly smiled at him as his hand slid down her torso, stopping on her stomach. He kisses her neck, the vibration of his voice against her skin making her snap her eyes shut and give in to the feeling. "Yes perfect" he murmurs  
He slides his hand down, gently pushing her legs apart. She feels as if her skin is on fire, she wiggles under his grasp on her hands. "I want to touch you" she pleads  
"Not yet" his voice soft and husky, putting faint kisses up and down her neck.  
He finds her slit and slowly rubs with one finger as she gasps and leans her head back against the shower wall. He watches her face, watches her let herself go and give in to him. Her lips forming a perfect "O" and the faint whimpers she makes. He lightly circles her clit, feeling her become wet on his finger. Her mouth opened more and her breathing ragged, her moaning a little louder "Mmmmmmmm"  
He smiles to himself, continuing to please her. She feels as if she is going to explode, it took mere seconds of him touching her there and the click was right back. He made her fearless and she had very few inhibitions. She wiggled her hands free and wrapped them around his neck, pulling his face down to hers. She opened her eyes, her pupils’ dilated from her arousal staring at him. "Kiss me" she breathed as he placed his lips on hers, kissing hard. He slipped his tongue against her bottom lip as she moaned against his mouth. "Baby...baby....baby"  
"Damn, you're already so wet baby" pushing her back and positioning himself against her, she could feel his hardness against her thigh. He growled as he took himself and rubbed against her at a slow pace. "Fuck" growling in her ear

He pushed himself slowly into her, holding her legs for support as she wrapped them around him. She clung to him, her arms around his neck as he pushed and pulled out of her slowly, kissing her each time he reached her mouth, their breathing ragged. They never spoke a word but they stared into each others eyes the whole time. She dug her nails into his back as she felt the build from her orgasm. She moaned unintelligible sounds when the wave hit and clung to him as his thrusts became harder while she came. "That's it baby, yes" against his ear, her breath hot on his skin.  
He grabbed her legs and pulled her harder against him, his hand sliding down as his finger found her clit, his finger slowly making circles. She pushed her thighs tighter against him, the sensation of his thrusts and his finger pushing her over the edge. She grabbed his forearms, closing her eyes and almost screamed as they came together. "Katie, oh god, Katie..." that familiar catch in his voice. He put his sweaty brow on her shoulder, his pace slowing and then stopping. They stayed like that for several minutes. She would run her fingernails up his arm and then back down it every once in a while. He would kiss her shoulder and she could feel his heart begin to gradually slow down and his breathing return to normal. He gently pulled out of her and sat her back upright. He leaned down and gave her a quick pop kiss, "So, you hungry?" winking at her. 

She playfully smacked him on the behind and pretended to pout. "That's it? Am I hungry? Really" putting her hands on her hips but unable to control her laughter. He walked over and put his face to hers, their noses touching. "Baby, you know better than that. We can just stay here and stay in bed all day, eh?"  
She smiled, "Ummmm, no, I am hungry. I need to build my strength back up and we need the fresh air" turning to get the washcloth, putting a little body wash on it.  
"Well that sounds great darling, we'll go to Aretha's then?"  
"Ooh yes, that's perfect, I haven't been there since we br..."  
He could hear the change in her voice, he put his arm on her shoulder, "Darling, we will just make new memories, good ones this time"  
Her lips turn to a faint smile, "We had good memories last time. Remember when we went to North Carolina that fall and stayed in that cabin? The leaves were so gorgeous, red, and yellow"  
"And orange" he chimed in. Recalling that time, he smiled fondly" Yes darling I remember. Those hikes we took and oh the food, the glorious southern food, now that I remember" winking at her  
"Honestly, I give up with you" she chided. They finished up their shower and she wrapped a towel around herself. She walked over to the closet and upon opening the door, her heart warmed. She saw her jeans and shirts still hanging in the closet, in bags. They will have to do I suppose. "Ummm babe, can I get a pair of your boxer briefs? I don't have clean underwear"  
"Of course darling, you know where they are, help yourself." 

She smiled, walked over to the drawer, opening it and taking out a black pair. She shimmed them up her hips, enjoying the way they felt against her and how the fit better than panties. She pulled the jeans up over her hips, buttoning them; happy they still fit and pulled the sweater over her head. She found some socks and put them on along with her boots from last night. She was thankful she had been smart enough to wear flat ones. She opened her purse, pulling out her tiny make up bag, walking up to the mirror on the wall above the dresser. She applied a little powder and was applying mascara when she saw him stop and lean up against the door jam. "You make the cutest faces when you do that" chuckling as she looked at him in the mirror and smiled, "Oh really. I can just imagine" laughing  
"It's rather cute. Your lips make this perfect O when you apply mascara, it's your sex face. "  
He could see her blush and look down. "Ah yes, sorry darling it slipped. I'll keep that talk for the bedroom"  
"Thank you. I know I seem like a prude at times and we spent the night and morning together, but..." she cast her eyes down, "We're not exactly back together"  
"Yet" interrupting her  
She keeps her eyes cast down, "And since we aren't back together, I don't know what this is. Let's just go to breakfast and see how it goes from there."  
"Alright, let's do that. Now shall we get some food, I am famished."  
She looks up, searching his eyes, "Oh yes, I am bloody starving"


	6. Let Us Start From The Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Should she give him another chance, she isn't sure if her heart can take it. As much as Katie has tried, she just can't shake him from her system. The way they connect on an unspoken level has haunted her for the past two years. Now, she has to decide if she can trust him again or once again, let him walk out of her life...

They found a booth and sat down, each looking over the menu in silence. He spoke first, "So, have you decided what you want?" smiling at her. She sighed and smiled back, "I think I am just going to get the usual, pancakes"  
"Ahhh, that sounds good, I've not had those in a while"  
The waitress comes over and takes their order and pours them coffee.  
She absently adds creamer and twirls the spoon around, trying to find the right words to say.  
Her brow furrows and she looks over at him.  
"I suppose....I suppose we need to talk"  
He slides his hand across the table putting it on top of hers.  
"Yes love we do, but let's not do it here ok? I'd rather do it somewhere private where we won't be disturbed."  
She sighs and casts her eyes down on the table. "Alright, after breakfast, let's go to my place" she knew she would feel safer at her place and if things ending up going bad, she could make him leave.  
He smiles softly at her and squeezes her hand gently, "Alright darling, we will do that" The waitress arrives with their food, Katie slides her hand out from under his and places her napkin in her lap. They both begin eating, “Oh god, I forgot how much I loved their pancakes” she gushes, her mouth turning up into a smile.  
“Oh yes, they are still very good” smiling at her.  
They finish their food and he pays the bill. As they walk outside, he takes her hand in his, lacing his fingers with hers. It feels natural to her and she had missed that. A thousand thoughts run through her mind as they walk back towards her apartment. So much so, she can’t even manage to think of something trivial to talk about. He picked up on her body language and softly says, “I know you probably have a lot of questions and things you want to say. I promise I will answer them. I want to make this right babe” She doesn’t say anything, she just nods her head. They reach her apartment, she puts the key in the door and opens it. She waves her arm, gesturing him inside. “Well it’s not much but it’s home” He steps inside looking around, noticing the apartment is not huge but she has managed to give it a very homey feel, just like their old apartment.  
She closes the door and walks towards the couch, sitting down. She pats the cushion beside her, “You can sit down you know” lightly laughing. He walks over and takes a seat beside her. He turns to her, taking her hands in his,the feel of his skin against hers causing her stomach to do flip flops as she inhales.  
“I don’t even know where to start” her voice shaking  
“Darling, just say what is in your heart. Scream at me, hit me, curse me but just talk to me” his voice soothing.  
“Damn it, you broke my heart. No shattered it. You gave up on us, you didn’t want to work anything out, you shut me out and I hate you for it” she sobbed, tears streaming down her face.  
“I loved you with everything in me, I trusted you. You broke your promise to me to not ever break me. Why? What did I do that was so awful that you just walked away?” her body shaking from crying so hard. Her sobs catching in her throat as she made unintelligible sounds.  
He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer against him, stroking her hair. “Baby, I’m so sorry. Nothing I can say will ever take that back, I know that”  
She pushed away from him, “You think coming back now, saying you’re sorry and that you love me is enough? I just don’t know”  
He stared into her eyes, seeing the hurt and anger. He spoke softly, "Katie, please believe me when I tell you that walking away from us was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I was a fucking coward alright? You didn't deserve that, not at all. You know the work I do and keeping my emotions in check are a big part of that job. I just have done it for so long and then I met you and that changed. I didn't know how to deal with it so instead of being a man about it and discussing it with you, I...." he pauses and sighs, tears forming in his eyes. She wanted to reach out and console him, but put her hands in her lap instead.  
"I reverted back to my old ways, shutting everything down and making what I thought at the time, the right decision for both of us. Was I right about it? No. Did I handle it well? No."  
He stroked her cheek with his hand, placing his palm against her jaw line. "I love you Katie, I always have and I always will. You brought out a side of me that I thought was long gone and it scared the hell out of me." Tilting her head up to look at him, he softly pleads, "I miss you. I miss the way you look at me in the mornings and kiss me sweetly, I miss the way you steal my shirts and wear them, I miss the way you cry over sappy black and white movies, I miss the way you feel in my arms at night, snuggled up against me. I miss the way your smile lights up the whole room, I miss the way you...."  
Interrupting him, "Stop, just stop it"  
He takes her hands in his, searching her eyes.  
"Do you know how many nights I cried myself to sleep? Do you know how I just walked around like a zombie for months after you left? Do you know....." she begins crying hysterically, wiping her face with the back of her hand.  
"Baby please" he pleads while stroking her hand with his fingers. "I hate myself for this, more than you could know"  
"You know what sucks? I still fucking love you" she grits through her teeth. He cups her face in his hands and brushes his lips against hers, emotionally drained, she is unable to fight him. She kisses him back, still crying. He wipes away a tear with this thumb.  
"You never trusted me fully and you never let me in all the way..."  
"Katie, damn it, yes I did. That is what I have been trying to tell you. I let you in my heart completely after fighting it for so long. I just didn't know how to handle it. "  
She buries her face in her hands as her body shakes from sobbing. He pulls her hands down, placing his fingers under her chin, lifting her head up and gazes into her eyes. He sees the hurt, anger and sadness in them which makes his heart hurt knowing he caused this. He smiles wistfully at her, “Katie, please please give me another chance. We’re miserable without each other. You know it and I can see it on your face”  
She nods slowly and sighs, “I am miserable without, I have been the whole time. I just got my life back together and I tried to shake you out of my system. So help me god I tried but….” She throws her arms around him, whispering against his ear, “I beg you, please don’t hurt me again, I know I couldn’t survive it. I love you…..I love you” He pulls her into his lap, wrapping his arms tightly around her, placing his mouth against her hair, his breath warm. “Oh baby”, his voice cracking. She lays her head against his chest, running her fingers up and down his arm with a feathery touch, “We both have to work for this, it can’t be one sided. You can’t shut me out again, these are my terms to which I will not budge.”  
He kisses the top of her head, stroking her hair, “Katie, oh Katie, I won’t. I know I can keep saying these words over and over but you’ll see. We’ll even take it slow this time, alright”  
She lightly laughed, looking up at him, “Well we kind of skipped that part last night and this morning you know”  
He grinned at her, “Well yeah, I know but….” She interrupts him, “Oh just shut up and kiss me damn it” He smiles at her, slowly bringing his face closer to hers, rubbing his nose against hers. He can hear her inhale as he places his lips over hers, kissing her softly at first then pressing his lips harder against hers.


	7. Just Like Starting Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's happy she's given him another chance and he doesn't want to blow it. What better way to show her than to court her all over again but this time, do it properly.  
> Even though she is still a tiny bit reserved about them, she wants it to work this time too.  
> So just like starting over, a proper first date is needed.....

He pulled back, much to her surprise, her face twisting into a look of confusion "What's wrong?"  
He brushed his finger against her jaw line, "Nothing darling. I am just going to head home. I want to do this proper and by proper, that means calling you and asking you out on a formal date."  
He gave a quick peck to her cheek, the stubble scratching her chin. She placed her hand and rubbed, smiling up at him.   
"Well, this is different, I like it."  
He winked at her, "Good, I like to keep you on your toes"  
She laughs a deep belly laugh, 'Oh yes, I remember"

His tone softer, "I'll call you this evening, eh" He brushes his fingers against hers, the warmth radiating between them. She walked him to the door, standing against it propped up. He stopped and turned around, smiling as he stood by his car. "Enjoy the rest of your day darling."  
She waved and called out to him, "I'll talk to you later, go get a shower stinky" her lips curling into a mischievous grin.  
He laughed, "Oi, I'll do that". She stood there watching him back up and drive away, her stomach sinking.

She closed the door behind her, leaning against it. She started re-playing all the events that had transpired in the last 36 hours. Everything hit her at once, remembering the feel of his skin on hers, the lashing out at him, letting two years of pent up rage, hurt and sorrow out on him, the butterflies in her stomach simply by being in the same room as him again. She let out a deep breath, moaning. "I've got to have a shower, I'll feel better" She walked down the hall to the bathroom, turning on the shower letting the water heat up. She removed what she had slipped on, throwing the dirty clothes in the hamper. She pulled back the curtain and poked her toe under the water, seeing the temperature was right, stepped in and closed the curtain. The steam from the shower bringing out his woodsy and masculine scent on her skin; her stomach burning at the thought of his touch from the night before. She shook her head and stepped under the stream, letting the water wash all over her. She washed her hair, then chose her sweetest smelling bath wash and used it.   
She turned off the shower, grabbed the towel wrapping it around her and stepped out onto the throw rug. She brushed her teeth and ran a comb through her hair.  
Seeing how they had stayed up late, she didn't want to do anything by lie in bed all day. She pulled out one of his old faded blue t-shirts, the cotton shirt soft from the many washes it had received. She slipped it over her head and pulled her clean underwear up. She walked over and climbed in her bed, pulling the covers up as she adjusted against the pillows. She turned on the iPod docking station, picking up her iPod and scrolling until she finds Mozart's Lacrimosa, putting it on repeat.  
She turned on her side, closing her eyes, the last face she sees is his, smiling at her. 

She slept hard and woke up slowly, noticing it was getting dark outside. She picked up her phone, noticing it was 7:45; she breathed a sigh of relief when she saw she didn't have any missed calls. She made her way to the bathroom, splashing cold water on her face. She picked up her phone and headed to the kitchen. She opened the fridge and grabbed a pre-packaged salad, setting it on the counter. As she turned around, her phone rang. She picked it up, smiling when his name popped up.   
"Hey handsome"  
She could picture the smile on his face, "Hey beautiful. Did you enjoy the rest of your day?"  
She sat at the island, her face hurt from smiling so wide, "Yes, I had a most lazy day, I had a long lovely nap and then a long hot shower. How about you?"  
"Well that does sound like a very lovely day indeed. I had a nice lazy day too. Say, would you happen to be free Wednesday night?"  
"Why yes, I am free Wednesday night, what did you have in mind?"  
"I wanted to take you to that new Italian place down on Market Street. If you haven't already been that is."  
"Oh, Allelia's, no but I have been dying to go there. That sounds perfect"  
"Great, want to meet me there after work, say around 6?"  
"Ah yes, that is perfect."  
"Alright, well good night Katie, sleep well and sweet dreams. I'm going to grab a bite to eat, I am famished"  
"Same here, good night and sweet dreams to you. I look forward to Wednesday"  
She hit end on her phone, setting it on the counter. She wiggled her hips and did a little dance around the kitchen, "I have no idea what we are doing but I don't care"  
She sat down and ate her salad, getting up and stretching. She decided to call it an early night and cleaned up; she flipped off the light and went to her bedroom. She barely remembered her head hitting the pillow.   
Monday and Tuesday went by fast; she was very busy with work and even stayed over till 8 on Monday night. She checked her face in her compact before getting out of the cab. She paid the driver and stepped out, sprinting for the door as it was sprinkling.  
He saw her come in, he stood up and froze, mesmerized by her. She removed her rain coat and revealed a chocolate brown dress with knee high boots. He knew very well she was wearing a garter belt under there, smiling.   
Her eyes met his, smiling. She walked towards the table, he made his way around and kissed her cheek, putting his mouth up to her ear, "You look ravishing darling. Totally took my breath away." She smiled and threw her arms around him, embracing tightly. "Thank you, you look very dapper yourself handsome" winking at him as she pulled back and moved the chair to sit down. She took her napkin and placed it in her lap, smiling across the table at him. "It's a good damn thing I had you meet me here instead of picking you up"  
She felt her cheeks flush, "Oh stop, it's nothing special. I've had it forever"  
"Well it is timeless and hugs every right curve”, picks up his menu scanning over it."I hear everything here is good."  
She scanned the room and then picked up her menu, looking over it.  
A few minutes later the waiter came over, "Darling, you go first"  
She smiled at him and then at the waiter, "I'll have the Mushroom pasta" with the salad and bread, thank you”   
He spoke up, "Bring the lady a glass of Chardonnay, and as a matter of fact bring the whole bottle. I'll have the chicken scampi and same as her"  
She smiled over at him, feeling very nervous as if they were on their first date; she fidgeted with her hands in her lap, looking down.   
He noticed her fidgeting and slid his hand across the table, placing it on top of hers, curling his fingers around her palm. “Are you as nervous as I am darling?” smiling at her as she looked up and met his gaze.  
She softly smiled, “Oh god, I thought it was just me. Yes, I don’t know why but yes I am.”  
He squeezed her hand, “Well, it’s a new beginning for us and I imagine it is rather scary for you. I just know how utterly happy I am to be here with you.”  
Her voice barely above a whisper, as her throat was dry, “So am I”  
He cleared his throat, “I meant what I said the other night”  
“I know you did”  
The waiter arrived with their food, setting it down. She picked up her fork, “Oh this looks delicious.” She put the first bite in her mouth; moaning and he couldn’t help but chuckle. “Is is that good darling?”  
She blushed, laughing, “Oh my god yes, it’s wonderful”, picking up a bite off of her plate, bringing the food up to his mouth, “Here, have a bite, you’ll see”  
He smiled and she put the fork in his mouth, “Mmmmmm”   
“See, I told you?”   
‘Yes, you were right; perhaps I should have ordered this instead”  
They ate their meal, laughing and chatting in between. The waiter came back over, “So, may I get you folk’s dessert?”  
She smiles over at him, “Oh yes, yes please. We want the tiramisu” He nodded at her, “Yes ma’am”  
A few minutes later he brought the dessert and sat it down on the table with two spoons. She picked up a spoon and cut off a huge bite. She looks over at him and places the spoon in her mouth, almost purring as she seductively licked it off the spoon. He was mesmerized by her mouth. “Want some?” she teased.  
He growled lowly, “Oh yeah I want some, but not of that damn dessert”  
She put her hand over her mouth to stifle a giggle, “You behave and I don’t put out on the first date.”  
He laughed a full belly laugh, “Ah, I see how this is going to go then. Right, Right, please pardon my crude behavior, I shall be a gentlemen from this point on”  
“You do and I will kick your ass to the curb” winking at him.


End file.
